My results are out.
it aint that fantastic though. just thinking about it really saddens me :(
that's not the only downside of my life right now
There's so much going on and i really dont know how much i can take anymore before i collapse.
it's like i have the whole world on me right now.
The comment from MissNg made brought the whole cheer team spirit downright low to the bowww. that's just bloody sad. after all, we did put in loads of effort for it. oh msNg, why can't you see?
And then to my horrifying yet exciting surprise, i was in the team for the InterUG drill com.
i wasnt prepared at all, today's practice was equivalent to nothing. I didnt seem to be able to read anything i did today. Making an utter fool on he parade ground, i seem to have totally lost hope for everything. breaks were short and the sun was scorching.
Whenever they ask me about the class tshirt, i dont even dare lift up my head to answer them.
I feel that i dont have the support anymore. I thought i could handle all these on my own, but face it, Tricia, i cannot.

Should I pull out of cheer? that'll be irresponsible. and when i told missteo that i had cheer audition on monday before the InterUG she told me why i didnt tell her earlier? But I only know i was the reserve until the very last minute of debrief she said that i'd be in the main team. I broke down, yes i did.

This sounds like a really emotic post to some people but this is really the lowest point of my life right now, i've never felt so much pressure. & there's no one there to make me better. Yes, im sorry, but not even my friends were of help this time.

If i were to be in cheer, to have GB, and be a leader in almost every aspect of my life; i doubt im a human at all. How can i possibly do this all on my own now, you tell me?
sometimes decisions made werent even told to me and stuff planned werent even informed, it's like, just downright fucked up you know? how am i suppose to lead like that?

im really darn upset now ok?
this is it then, i shall sleep tonight, wake up tomorrow and make a decision.